Topsyturvy Mind

It was Ash Wednesday and I was standing outside Our Lady of Dolours church near Marine Lines station. Don’t tsk tsk and nod your head disapprovingly.  I know I should have arrived on time for Mass. But in my defense, I came immediately after a lecture, in fact left early from one. So don’t judge me.

Anyway, while Mass was on, my mind began to wander. Hear me out. I had Holy thoughts. At least at first. I wondered why this day was called Ash Wednesday.

For starters, for those who don’t know what happens on this day and why Catholics fuss over it. Here’s what you need to know. On Ash Wednesday, the priest at Mass applies ashes in the shape of the cross on the forehead of each member of the congregation, uttering the words, “For dust you are and to dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19).  Dust haan? Shouldn’t we smear dust or moist soil on our forehead? More significant isn’t it?  Well, Christians are buried, aren’t we? Where does ash figure in? That’s after cremation, isn’t it? Well, I toyed with the idea of clarifying this doubt with my mother, but wiser counsels prevailed. Mother, for the record, does not approve my “questioning faith”.

Anyway, the phrase “For dust you are and to dust you shall return” is, supposedly, what God spoke to Adam and Eve after they eaten of the forbidden fruit and fallen into sin. These words indicated to our first parents the bitterest fruit of their sin, namely death. In the context of the Ash Wednesday imposition of ashes, they remind each penitent of their sinfulness and mortality, and, thus, their need to repent and get right with God before it is too late. The cross reminds each penitent of the good news that through Jesus Christ crucified there is forgiveness for all sins, all guilt, and all punishment.

How do I know this? Well, I may have reached late for Mass but I do pay attention to the sermon. All right! Some parts. I am human. The priest spoke about fasting, repenting and avoiding temptation. My mind begins to wander again. Clearly, I had already defaulted on the third part. Avoiding the temptation to be distracted during Mass. Strike one. Well, this time it was the priest’s fault. I had to reflect on what he just said.

That is when it struck me. Devil definitely has a damn good marketing strategy. It is called Temptation.

Well, the sound of it itself is so tempting. How easy it is to tempt people! What is hard is the effort that goes into avoiding it. Let’s take the best (meaning, hardest to resist) temptation. The temptation to engage in coitus (Looks like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory is messing with my speech) whether it is pre marital or extra marital.

What has God to offer? Celibacy. The following explanation directed at ignorant mortals. Catholic priests and nuns take a vow of celibacy in order to serve God more effectively and faithfully. They take this vow very seriously. Well, at least most of them do. (Controlling my thoughts on the recent cases of pedophilic tendencies of certain priests. I’m in the church, I am practicing restraint. It’s Lent, for God sake!)

Sex versus Celibacy. Hmmm. Not such a tough decision. What a diabolical marketing strategy!

Moreover, just as automobiles undergo the Crash Test before the manufacturer is given the go-ahead for mass production, Satan (sounds more malevolent than Devil apart from better sound effect) decides to test the viability of his ‘Temptation’ marketing strategy on none other than Jesus himself. Oh the gall!

During Jesus’ forty days of fast and prayer in the desert, Satan tempted him. Not one to be beaten, Jesus, in one of his replies told Satan that Man could live on the Word of God alone. Take that Satan. Hah! Jesus tried to sell you the Word of God in return. Must hand it to him, Jesus may have been famished but he managed to dish out one of his one-liners.

Just then, I am jolted back into reality by “All to Jesus I surrender, all to him I freely give…” Oh God, the sermon ended some time back. Now I must pay attention. GET BEHIND ME SATAN, I’m on Jesus’ marketing team now!

( Though I am not deeply religious, I respect people’s faith in God. This article is written in jest. It is not meant to disrespect anyone’s beliefs or religion. Nor is it an attempt at blasphemy. I believe God will not be offended because he knows my pure intentions and he possesses a sense of humour. Something people should attempt at achieving some more of.)

Well, nothing much except that some people will be so paralyzed with fear they simply won’t get out of bed. Others will steadfastly refuse to fly on an airplane, buy a house, or act on a hot stock tip. It’s Friday the 13th, and they’re freaked out.

You wonder why. Haven’t you watched enough horror movies to know that a whole lot of them have ‘Friday’ and ‘13’ all over their plot? Some fixation!

Well, Donald E. Dossey, a folklore historian and author of Holiday Folklore, Phobias and Fun believes that fear of Friday the 13^th is rooted in ancient, separate bad-luck associations with the number 13 and the day Friday. The two unlucky entities ultimately combined to make one super unlucky day.

What’s wrong with 13?

Apparently (according to a Scandinavian legend), Loki, one of the most evil of the Norse gods, gatecrashed a party for 12 at Valhalla, a heavenly banquet for the gods (Gods and their egos!). Moreover, Loki tricked Hoder, the blind, into shooting a mistletoe-tipped arrow at Balder, the beautiful and good. Following Balder’s death, the earth was plunged into darkness and all of Earth mourned as the good and right disappeared. It was an awfully unlucky day. Since then, the number 13 has been considered ominous and foreboding.

According to Thomas Fernsler, an associate policy scientist in the Mathematics at the University of Delaware, numerologists consider 12 a “complete” number. There are 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labours of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, and 12 apostles of Jesus, 12 Descendants of Muhammad Imams, whereas the number thirteen is considered irregular, transgressing this completeness.

Also ruining it for the number 13 is the fact that the number of guests at the party of the Last Supper was 13, with the 13th guest being Judas, the traitor.

You thought it stops there. Hold on. The 13th Tarot Card is the Grim Reaper. There are 13 steps leading to the gallows. 13 turns make a traditional hangman’s noose. Ancient Romans regarded the number 13 as destruction, evil and misfortune. A witch’s coven consists of 13 members, 13^th one being the Devil, no less.

What’s wrong with Friday?

The name Friday comes from Old English Frīġedæġ, meaning the ‘Day of Frigg’. Now, Frigg (or Frigga) was a major goddess in Norse paganism, a subset of Germanic paganism. She was the free spirited goddess of love and fertility, also described as having the power of prophecy yet she does not reveal what she knows (Uncommon for a woman but then again she was a goddess). Now the drama. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was labeled a witch and banished in shame to a mountaintop. It was believed that every Friday, the spiteful goddess (hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, remember that before you mess with the female species again) convened a meeting with 11 other witches, plus the devil—for a total of 13—and plotted evil and disastrous events for the upcoming week. For many centuries in Scandinavia, Friday was called the “Witches’ Sabbath.” (I wonder how the Jews would have reacted to this. Oh! I forgot this was part of a Germanic legend. Sorry!)

As if this wasn’t enough, not to be left behind, some biblical scholars believe that Eve tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit on a Friday. Perhaps more significant is a belief that Abel was slain by Cain on Friday the 13^th or that this is the day a confusion of tongues struck at the Tower of Babel or the day when the Temple of Solomon toppled. (Jesus! My bad, he wasn’t born yet)

So, Friday is considered to be a particularly unlucky day on which to undertake anything that represented the beginning of a new venture. Beginning a sea voyage or any journey is a big no-no. Giving birth? Apparently, a child born on a Friday (God forbid midnight or 3 a.m.- courtesy the movies) has special powers to communicate with supernatural beings like ghosts, demons, evil spirits, the whole jingbang. Wonder whatever happened to vampires, werewolves or lycans. Edward Cullen (vampire in Twilight), Jacob Black (werewolf in Twilight), Selene (vampire in Underworld) or Lucian (lycan in Underworld) must surely be sulking somewhere for being sidelined. (Oh don’t worry about me, I am writing this with the aspen tree branch and the silver bullet at the ready, just in case).

Getting married on a Friday seems like a bad idea because you are doomed to a cat and dog life.(Ah, now that explains the divorce rates) Here is the one of the most bizarre ones I have heard (hopefully I didn’t hear this on a Friday). Rumor has it that hearing anything new on a Friday gives you another (another? Hmm, time to look into a mirror) wrinkle on your face and adds a year to your age. (Olay won’t help you either)

The combined evil: Friday the 13^th

Legend has it that on Friday, October 13th, 1307, King Philip IV of France ordered for the arrest of Jaques de Molay who was the Grand Master of the Knights Templars as well as his sixty senior knights on account of heresy, blasphemy and betraying the king. Jacques de Molay, the last known Grand Master of the Knights Templar was burned to death on a slow fire outside Notre Dame on Friday, March 13, 1314. It was said that while Jaques de Molay was being burned at the stake he was still screaming out his innocence and cursed King Philip IV of France, Pope Clemence V, and Prime Minister Guillaume de Nogaret to death within a year and 13 generations of their families to misery. The subsequent deaths of King Philip, Pope Clemence V, and Prime Minister Guillaume within a year and the populace’s belief that de Molay’s curse also applied to them led many to fear the number 13 and Friday the 13th in particular.

In 1970, Apollo 13, the 13th mission launched from pad 39 (13 x 3), mission was aborted, after an explosion occurred in the fuel cell of their service module. The rocket had left launching pad at 13:13 CST and the date was April 13th. (Why attribute the failure to the incompetency of NASA? Friday the 13^th theory sounds way cooler and makes Uncle Sam look better, doesn’t it? Just saying)

In India, May 13 2011, a Friday, certainly spelt doom for the Communist party in West Bengal (Paschim Banga if you want). This day, a political party symbolized by the colour green (read: Trinamool Congress) swiftly wrested a state from the traditional red Communists who had successful ruled the state for 34 long years.

Moving on. The fear of the Friday the 13^th is so pervasive that it even has its own fancy Greek term: paraskevidekatriaphobia. I presume that learning to pronounce this term will be enough to begin the healing process. Folklore offers other remedies, however. One recommendation is to climb to the top of a mountain or skyscraper and burn all the socks you own that have holes in them. Another is to stand on your head and eat a piece of gristle. So if you fear Friday the 13th, take your pick of remedies.

According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of this day making it the most feared day and date in history.

If that’s the case, we are guilty of perpetuating a misnomer by labeling Friday the 13th “the unluckiest day of all,” a designation perhaps better reserved for, say, a Friday the 13th on which one breaks a mirror, walks under a ladder, spills the salt, and spies a black cat crossing one’s path — a day, if there ever was one, best spent in the safety of one’s own home with doors locked, shutters closed, fingers crossed, reading my blog.(Cheeky!)